Students choosing the Spiritual Path will invariably have to assess the state of their ‘inner marriage’. Navigating the dense outer world was meant to be done with a sense of balance and awareness of the two polarities that exist within each being, the masculine and feminine. One thing you can count on is that everyone has work to do as far as bringing these aspects into, not only a balanced state but a cooperative state as well.
As you take on the task of opening to your feminine side and taking on your masculine side (or vice versa, opening to your masculine side and taking on your feminine), you will immediately feel a sense of power in your life. This is simply because you are living in accord with how you were created. Typically men and women are driven to find a romantic partner because they have refused to connect with the opposite gender within themselves. I use the term ‘refuse’ quite intentionally in order to make the point. True, we likely haven’t been taught how to know both parts properly but the deeper truth is that we generally don’t want to take on the part of us that is undeveloped. We mostly feel like it should be done for us.
Think about a vehicle with an 8 cylinder engine; why would a person run only 4 cylinders when the machine was built to utilize the full power of 8? But for some reason, in our society, the norm has been that it’s ok for women to be feminine and men to be masculine but that’s mostly all. Women who run masculine energy are in danger of being labeled anything from bitchy, cold, ruthless, a lesbian, ballbuster, aggressive etc. And men who are aware of and express their feelings may be seen as effeminate, gay, weak, a drag and a burden etc. So there is societal pressure that supports remaining underdeveloped.
It will take courage for women to learn how to act from their masculine side. But it will be one of the most empowering decisions a woman can make. Without the masculine energy available, women use more devious and passive methods to get the things they want. One of which is using emotional reactions as a way to control situations. This is really a prominent problem in marriages today, that when the woman wants something that conflicts with the man, she can threaten an emotional reaction that breaks the connection with her husband. Since the man is afraid of his feelings and emotions, and even more afraid of hers, he learns to do what she wants in order to avoid the conflict.
But over time he will learn to resent the woman for this type of manipulation and also find ways to get around this dynamic. In other words, he will take alternative action and make certain decisions to avoid the difficulties. Both will negatively use their dominant sides to take care of themselves. We don’t want to live this way because it is unbalanced and will always lead us to feel incomplete.
Our task as souls is to recognize the ways in which we haven’t embraced our internal opposite gender and begin to do so. As well, see how we also use the negative expression of the masculine and feminine aspects without realizing the detrimental effects they have on our lives.
Let’s begin with the masculine energy. This energy can be linked to our will as in will power. The masculine part finds out what it wants and then makes the decision to go after it. This part of us is a conscious, decisive aspect that takes action and gets the task done. In order for the masculine to be fully empowered and in harmony with the whole being, it needs to consult with the feeling side or feminine. If the masculine focuses just on what it wants mentally, it isn’t being true to itself. And if over long periods of time, the masculine side of us keeps making decisions and taking action without consideration of the feelings, chaos will ensue and a breakdown of some sort is not far away. Depending on the sensitivity of the person, if they are ignoring their feelings, they may turn to an addictive substance to numb out the feelings that they refuse to listen to. In other people, they get moody, withdrawn, depressed etc because the unheard feelings don’t go away.
So in simple terms, decisions and actions need the input of the feminine in order to be true to the whole being. If someone, either man or woman develops this process whereby they want to or have to make a decision, then spends time being receptive to their feelings (not just the surface emotions) and see what truly matters to them, that is honoring the feminine. Next they have to make the decision with confidence and get busy doing their part. This is igniting the masculine.
Decision making is scary for those who haven’t been taught or haven’t owned their masculine energy. If a woman hasn’t connected with this part of herself, she will do one of a few things. She may passively wait for the decision to be made for her either by another person like her father, brother, boyfriend or husband, hold out for the passing of time in which case an opportunity might slip away or just watch how the circumstances play out assuming whatever happens was meant to be. This is a recipe for either a boring life, a frustrated life or a life with very little growth. There is no courage in such a life because it negates the creative power we have been given. It’s passive.
In contrast, deeper happiness will always elude a person who has squashed the feminine and just acts on mental energy. They can move faster and get more done but without relating to their own feelings, there can’t be peace. The negative masculine is expressed when a person hates the process of listening to the feelings and just wants to fix a problem. This is why a man who isn’t considering his feminine side often wants to provide very quick and decisive solutions to a woman who has an issue or a problem. He can’t stand the feelings in her, expressing with no end in sight. The over emphasized masculine wants to figure it out fast and move on.
This will generally frustrate the woman who has a need to express the feelings around what she is going through, not with a desire to fix things but to let them reveal themselves through the process. Women can get together and talk about situations or problems with no need to resolve anything whatsoever. They are simply relating to each other’s feelings and creating a bond based on shared experiences. Men generally hate these kinds of discussions because nothing is decided.
But each part needs the other in order for progress and happiness or even love to develop. The masculine should come to love the feminine since it is the part within that knows what is important, feels deeply what it desires and loves what it loves. The feminine has mystery because it is beyond being able to figure out. The feminine is the love aspect and that is always a mystery. One miraculous way the feminine expresses is through the creation of the child. The union of the man and woman occurs and the man gives the needed spark or seed to the woman and then he retreats.
That spark ignites a process of life in her and for nine months, in the dark womb, a being forms. It’s done out of our sight and unexplainably. So you can say that the creative process is ignited by the masculine ‘decisive spark’ but nurtured and developed by the mysterious feminine feeling/love part. The masculine energy doesn’t nurture and care the way the feminine does. This isn’t to say that woman care and men don’t. But a lack of feminine energy in either men or women will result in someone who doesn’t care that much.
Another way to think of this is that the feminine resides in the heart and the masculine in the mind. A mind operating with no input from the heart can be calculated, ruthless, and cold. A heart acting without mind, in other words, no conscious reasoning, no deductive process or no decisiveness can be overly emotional, stuck, addictive and too wishy washy. Such is the heart with no firm direction.
What we want to do is take inventory of where we are at with both our masculine and feminine sides. Woman may be surprised to learn that both are underdeveloped. Same with men though in general, men are better taught to express masculine energy than woman are taught to express feminine. This is because in most of the world cultures, feelings are not valued, even to the extreme of being hated. The outward expression of this is seen in the incredible oppression of women around the globe. We as a race are acting out our hatred of the feminine on women.
Keep in mind that a well-developed feminine side is a tougher and stronger emotional person. They are the ones who go through the intense pain of child birth. They are the ones committed to raising the young ones even if they have to do everything on their own. So emotional resilience and strength comes from the feminine. There is absolutely nothing weak about the feminine in either men or women. But the perception is so because the feminine requires time and attention before it reveals itself. We can’t rush to the feelings. Like a flower, they won’t open just because we demand it so. The masculine has to set the stage, to decide to make time and then be gentle and encouraging.
On the flip side, the feminine within us needs to honor the reasoning function of the masculine. A well developed masculine side will hear the feelings, probe to know everything that is going on and then think about the best way to go about things. Once the feminine has shared itself, it needs to empower the masculine to think on it and accept the decision promptly. Becoming emotional and waffling is an expression of negative feminine and should be stopped by one’s will.
So the task before us is to take an inventory of where we are at with each. Do we have a well-defined process for considering situations and thinking about our options? Do we make time to tune into our deeper feelings before we jump to conclusions and or decide something without considering how we feel. The aim is to learn about your masculine and feminine sides and how they function. Each of us has slight nuances as to how these parts express and relax. For example, some people are able to get in touch with their feelings after they have an intense exercise session because the endorphins sooth away some of the stored tension and they can feel what they feel. Some do their best thinking late at night when the house is still. So learn what makes your masculine side happy and give it over. Same with the feminine.