How Meditation Helps Prevent Conflicts in Relationships
Romance is a glorious thing. When two people discover they really like each other, the feelings of euphoria and bliss are like no other. We are all familiar with the honeymoon phase of a new relationship and how it seems very little can ever go wrong. Gradually the idea of one’s partner being all but perfect wears off and we begin to see the other as someone with flaws just like ourselves. You can count on one thing, conflicts in relationships are inevitable.
What isn’t inevitable is that these conflicts lead to long term irritations and possibly even the end of the relationship. Anyone who wants to avoid seeing their relationship get mired in conflict would benefit from learning to meditate. The reason meditation will help reduce conflicts in relationships is that most conflicts are steeped in emotional reactions. The phrase ‘let’s agree to disagree’ is now part of our culture. Disagreeing on intellectual concepts doesn’t necessarily lead to fighting.
Emotions when triggered often DOES lead to fighting. But very often, once we become emotional, we lose touch with reality and begin to fabricate ideas or accusations aimed at our partners that may not be true. When in the throes of emotion, our ability to perceive truth is obscured. Here is where it is very recommended that a person sit down to meditate before acting impulsively.
The steps to follow that will prevent conflicts from escalating are;
Step 1: Recognize as soon as possible when you are in an emotional reaction. If it is beyond a certain intensity, avoid further discussion (you are likely to say things you regret or that are untrue).
Step 2: Find 15 to 20 minutes where you can drop into meditation and process what you are feeling.
Step 3: Move away from your thoughts and the mind’s interpretation of what happened. Focus your attention on your feelings.
Step 4: Validate how you feel (It is crucial that you validate and value your feelings) It will begin to diffuse the emotional charge fastest.
Step 5: Once you have received and validated your feelings, move into your ‘reasoning’ mind and review what you think happened that caused the conflict. As much as possible, look to take responsibility for your part in the conflict. If both people do this, you will quickly find both people apologizing for their part and the conflict will dissipate quickly.
Step 6: Still in meditation, contemplate why this conflict has occurred. See if there is a lesson or a blessing contained for you to uncover.
Step 7: Once calmed down and able to reflect objectively on what happened, consider what is a mature plan of action. As much as possible, emerge from meditation with a plan of action. (Doing nothing could be your plan but only if that is your best option. Being passive and just trying to forget about it isn’t generally wise).