We have been told that what we put out is what comes back to us. So why do we end up in relationships that don’t appear to give back to us what we put out? That is truly a mystery to many.
On one level, in the midst of a big city like Chicago, there are hundreds of single people seeking romance. Some people find it relatively easy to meet others and have an active dating life. Others struggle with shyness, insecurities, fear or have the sense that something in their approach is off. These sorts of obstacles can lead to deep frustration, depression and eventually feelings of despair. So what can be done?
The truth is that no one is immune to the effects their deeper belief system has on what and who shows up in their lives. Regardless if a person is dating a lot or feels jammed up and can’t get the ball rolling, the best approach is to begin examining one’s inner beliefs. You can use a dating coach or see a therapist who can provide some insights into why certain patterns manifest in the partners we attract. Another very helpful approach is to learn meditation and discover for yourself what sort of limiting concepts and incorrect ideas may be alive in you below the surface.
For example, in many who experienced abusive childhoods, we have assumed a low self esteem brought on and solidified by the abuse. On a deeper level, we don’t believe we deserve to be treated very well. Even though we know it doesn’t make sense to be lied to, neglected, manipulated, cheated on etc, this might be fulfilling exactly what we think we deserve on a subconscious level. Others have the opposite issue. They were raised in an environment that didn’t teach them to respect others, nor how to really give what another might need. In these cases, they might attract a person they really like but not realize that they are subtly disrespecting the other or just not giving very much. In time, the other person will lose interest and move on leaving us heart broken and confused.
In other cases, beginning to get close to another will stir up feelings of suffocation especially if we had overly protective parents or a parent that relied on us for their emotional well being. We then find ourselves more drawn to very aloof partners who are hard to pin down. Their lack of commitment actually relieves that feeling of suffocation but lo and behold, those relationships remain uncommitted and never grow past a certain point.
While it sounds odd, it is actually incredibly common that one of our parents imposed levels of responsibility on us as children that were completely inappropriate. So reaching a place within where we recognize we are wounded by these patterns, and very likely storing some unconscious anger, we use meditation to reach a place of forgiveness which is a vital step in setting up new belief systems. When we forgive, we make room for the wounds to be healed and can them replace old beliefs with what we really want. For example, we might want a committed relationship with a person who has their financial life in order and understand that a relationship involves a good flow of give and take and even the need to make sacrifices for their partner. Using meditation, you can identify your blocks to such a union and then actually decide you want that. From there, miracles will happen.